How Do I
by Angel N Darkness
Summary: Emily was heart broken when Hotch ended things with her so she decided to write a poem to try to make herself feel better. What happens when Hotch reads the poem?


Author's Note: Okay this one shot is going to be a little different than all my other ones… I'm going to be posting a poem in this story… Now a little information on the poem is this poem is one that I myself wrote a couple years ago… I belong to a forum where you post poems and this poem is one of them that I have posted on this forum… So I hope that you enjoy this story! Also this story will have a song title prompt in it!

Disclaimer: I don't own CM or the song! I do however own the poem! Yay me!

Prompt: Back to You – John Mayer

Prompt: Wake me Up Inside – Evanescence feat. Linkin Park

Prompt: In My Head - Jason Derulo

Prompt: Numb - Pink

Emily wasn't sure what to do or if she should do anything at all. She has loved Hotch for so long and they tried to make a relationship work between them but he had ended it. Her heart was broken and her eyes were still red rimmed even three days later. She has done nothing but cry since their relationship has ended. Today would be the first day she would see him since that fated day. She wasn't sure if she was going to be able to get through the day without breaking down.

She held her head up high and her shoulders straight back as she walked into the bullpen at work. The first person she saw was the one person she didn't want to see. She avoided making eye contact with him and walked quickly to her desk. As soon as she sat down in her desk chair she put her head in her hands and started to cry. She felt dead inside and she had no control over her emotions right now. As she was crying she started to think about doing some writing. Nobody knew that she liked to write poems and she thought maybe if she could get what she was feeling down onto paper that maybe just maybe she could get through this day without completely losing it.

Morgan got to his desk and frowned in concern when he saw Emily with her head in her hands and her shoulders shaking. He knew immediately what was wrong with her and he glanced up at Hotch's office and he saw Hotch looking out of his blinds and he glared at him. He could go up there and shake that man for what he has done to one of the strongest women he knows. He put his ready bag down and sat his coffee on his desk and then went over and knelt beside Emily's chair.

"Emily what can I do for you? There has to be something I can do. I can't stand seeing you like this." Derek said in a passionate voice. Seeing Emily like this was killing him.

Emily raised her head and met Derek's concerned eyes. "Can you wake me up inside Derek? I feel like I'm dead inside."

Derek pulled Emily into his arms and hugged her. "Emily you listen to me. Hotch is a jackass and he doesn't realize how much he has messed up. You have got to know that him ending things with you is not in any way your fault. He's stupid Em and you can do way better than him if this is how he is going to act."

Emily gave Derek a sad smile. "I know that in my head Derek but try telling that to my heart. My God even after everything he said I still love him. I can't shut my feelings for him down and I want too. I can't take this pain."

Derek nodded. "I know Em believe me I know. Just try to get through today and after work we'll go out for a little bit. Just you and me so that we can talk. How does that sound?"

Emily nodded and gave him a teary eyed look. "I think that sounds good. I'm going to get some work done now. Maybe if I work I'll get my mind off of things."

Derek nodded and kissed Emily on the temple. "You do that Em. Remember I'm right here next to you if you need anything."

Emily nodded and let out a sigh when Derek went back to his desk. She knew she wasn't going to get any work done if she couldn't get her emotions under control so she took out a piece of paper and started a poem. She knew that this would make her feel better so she wrote and wrote.

Once she was done writing the poem she read over it and then placed it to the side then grabbed a file and started on her paperwork. As she was working on the paperwork she realized she did indeed feel better since writing that poem.

She worked straight through lunch and would have kept working late into the night if Derek wouldn't have stopped her. "Em are you ready to head out?"

Emily looked up at Derek in shock and then at the clock. It was then she realized that it was almost six in the evening. She gave him a nod and grabbed up the files she had done. She was in such a hurry she didn't realize that she also grabbed up the poem she wrote. She took in a deep breath and then walked quickly to Hotch's office. She knocked on his door and when he looked up she walked in and put the files on his desk.

"Here you go Sir." Emily said.

Hotch frowned when he heard Emily call him Sir. He should have realized that she would go back to doing that because of what he did. He wanted to talk to her and make sure that she was alright.

"Emily can you stay and talk to me for a few minutes?" Hotch asked after thinking about it for a few seconds.

Emily wanted to stay but she knew that if she did then she would just end up hurting even more so she shook her head. "I'm sorry Sir no I can't. I have a prior engagement with Derek. If it is work related you can talk to me about it in the morning. If it isn't work related then you don't need to talk to me about it at all. Have a good evening Sir."

Hotch watched in shock as Emily walked out of his office. He couldn't believe that she was already dating someone. Did he really mean so little to her that she could just go from him to Morgan in a matter of days? He looked out his window and it took all his will power not to jump up when he saw Derek put his arm around Emily's waist as they headed out of the bullpen.

He kept on working and he went through the files that Emily had put on his desk. Once he signed off on the last file that she put on his desk he moved it over to the pile of finished ones. He frowned when he saw a single sheet of paper laying on his desk. He looked it over and noticed Emily's hand writing. He picked it up and his heart broke a little as he read what was obviously a poem about how she felt about him and what he had done.

_**How do I  
Tell you what I feel  
How do I  
Love you so**_

I remember the good times  
As well as the bad  
I think about how  
You loved me like no other

How do I  
Make you see  
How do I  
Let you know

You were the reason  
I could love again  
Then you walked away  
And left me with this pain

How do I  
Get past the hurt  
How do I  
Move forward

He looked at his watch and saw that Emily had already been with Derek for two hours. He jumped out of his chair and grabbed his jacket and briefcase and high tailed it out of his office and out of the bullpen. He needed to get to Emily's and fix what he had broken. He needed to make sure that she didn't move forward without him.

While he read the poem that she wrote he finally figured out that he messed up and messed up big time. He needed Emily in his life and in his heart. He needed to hear her laugh, see her smile, and hear her voice. He just plain out needed her.

Emily was finally just sitting down onto her couch and trying to relax. Her evening out with Derek had helped her. She was no longer feeling as if it was her fault that Hotch broke up with her and broke her heart. She knew that it was nothing that she had done. As she sat back and closed her eyes she asked herself how could I have even blamed myself for such a short time when it was him who broke my heart.

Emily was brought out of her thoughts by frantic knocking on her door. She looked at her clock and saw that it was almost nine and she wondered who it could be at her door. When she looked out her peep hole she was surprised to see Hotch standing there. She debated on opening up the door or not but finally decided on opening it.

She took a deep breath and then opened it. "What are you doing here Hotch?"

Hotch looked at Emily and said "I love you Emily and I am so sorry that I hurt you. Every time I try to think of something else my mind always comes back to you. I need you Emily and I want you. Could you ever forgive me for hurting you like I have?"

Emily looked at Hotch with tear filled eyes. "I love you too Aaron but I can't and won't go through this again. I feel numb and dead inside. I want to give you another chance but I'm scared."

Hotch pulled Emily gently into his arms and said "Emily I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I ran because what I feel for you is stronger than anything I ever felt for Haley. I read the poem you wrote Emily and my heart broke because I knew I broke your heart. Please forgive me and give me one more chance. I swear to you on my life that I will never hurt you like this again."

Emily was shocked that he had read her poem but didn't bother saying anything about that. Instead she leaned into him and gave him a sweet kiss for her answer. She knew that he would rather cut his own arm off or end his own life instead of hurting her again. She could see that in his eyes. She knew now that everything would be alright.


End file.
